** Reading this article made me felt like the writer, my favorite High School English teacher Mr. Rene Lizada, was thinking of me when he wrote this in his Sunstar Article..**
IT is one of the most abused phrases that you hear today. And you hear it everywhere. In shows, in relationships, at work. We hear people say, "nag move on na ako," or "do not dwell in the past, you have to move on." There are other versions but the message is the same.
You should not get stuck, you should well, move on. That people should justforget what has happened and, well, move on. That whatever hurt we have felt, we must not dwell on it and we have to, well, move on.
That is well and good and it is important that we all move on. That we really should not be paralyzed about our past and what it brought, that we should not be stuck in it. That is good and noble and right. But only if when one is ready and when one's heart is finally true. The tragedy is that we all want to move on and yet some of us are not ready to do so. In our haste to move on, we find ourselves deeper in the situation.
Moving on can only happen when we are ready to do so. To think otherwise is foolish and unhealthy. We can only move on when the time is right. We cannot force it nor should we because the result would only be being untrue to ourselves. We move on when we can do so. When our hearts are ready then we move on otherwise we will only be fooling ourselves.
The urgency to move on is perhaps the reason we want desperately to do so. We want to get rid of the hurt and the pain. We want to forget all the suffering and the grief. We want to put aside the sorrow and seek relief. And so we say, yeah I have moved on even if we still feel the pain.
And that perhaps is the secret of moving on.
Sometimes we have to hold on to let go. We must feel the pain if we want to release it. The more we deny something, the stronger it gets. Someone once said, if you resist, it will persist.
What it is saying perhaps is simple. Do not deny the pain or the grief. It is better to accept the pain for what it is. Cry if you have to. Scream if you must. Lament if you have to. Drop to your knees. Cry. Scream. Rage. Let all that is within get out. Feel the pain and loneliness.
Experience the betrayal and the sorrow. Taste the bitterness and the disappointment. Face what must be faced otherwise we will always be in a state of denial. And when we deny, we die.
A lot of us want to be brave and so we say hey I have moved on even if we have not. A lot of want to be strong and so we claim, I have moved on even if we have not. And that is not strength or bravery but simply cowardice and fear. To be brave means to face what must be faced and to be strong means to take whatever sorrow, sorrow brings. To taste it, feel it to the very core of our existence.
All of want to be noble that is why like to say that we must do the right thing and the right thing is to forget and move on. But nobility has nothing to do with pretension. In the "shoulds" of our lives we lose ourselves sometimes.
A good example to that is forgiveness. Everyone tells us to forgive. That is the right thing to do because it liberates us. That forgiveness is not about the one who hurt but it is about the victim. We all hear that, we all know about it and we all know that forgiving is the right thing to do.
I totally agree yet forgiveness is a not an instantaneous thing, it just does not happen, It is a process that takes time. You do not forgive in an instant, you forgive slowly, perhaps even one word at a time, one event at a time. To ask forgiveness after you have totally disregarded the person's feelings is not forgiveness. It is selfishness.
You rant and rave and after you are done, you ask for forgiveness is total disrespect. It cheapens the apology because it is insincere. That is not forgiveness, it is hypocrisy. And in the same breath if you are not ready to forgive then do not.
The thing is, if in your heart you cannot forgive, then do not. Do not force yourself because you will be the only one who will suffer. If you are hurt then let it be so. If you are bleeding then bleed. Do not deny yourself of the pain because ironically it is the pain that will heal you. If you let it.
Read a poem and bleed. Sing with a brokenhearted song for your broken heart. Rage against the injustice and cry with the broken dream. Accept your feelings, taste your pain. And a time will come when all that you experienced will bear fruit. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Time heals. And when it does, you move on.
IT is one of the most abused phrases that you hear today. And you hear it everywhere. In shows, in relationships, at work. We hear people say, "nag move on na ako," or "do not dwell in the past, you have to move on." There are other versions but the message is the same.
You should not get stuck, you should well, move on. That people should justforget what has happened and, well, move on. That whatever hurt we have felt, we must not dwell on it and we have to, well, move on.
That is well and good and it is important that we all move on. That we really should not be paralyzed about our past and what it brought, that we should not be stuck in it. That is good and noble and right. But only if when one is ready and when one's heart is finally true. The tragedy is that we all want to move on and yet some of us are not ready to do so. In our haste to move on, we find ourselves deeper in the situation.
Moving on can only happen when we are ready to do so. To think otherwise is foolish and unhealthy. We can only move on when the time is right. We cannot force it nor should we because the result would only be being untrue to ourselves. We move on when we can do so. When our hearts are ready then we move on otherwise we will only be fooling ourselves.
The urgency to move on is perhaps the reason we want desperately to do so. We want to get rid of the hurt and the pain. We want to forget all the suffering and the grief. We want to put aside the sorrow and seek relief. And so we say, yeah I have moved on even if we still feel the pain.
And that perhaps is the secret of moving on.
Sometimes we have to hold on to let go. We must feel the pain if we want to release it. The more we deny something, the stronger it gets. Someone once said, if you resist, it will persist.
What it is saying perhaps is simple. Do not deny the pain or the grief. It is better to accept the pain for what it is. Cry if you have to. Scream if you must. Lament if you have to. Drop to your knees. Cry. Scream. Rage. Let all that is within get out. Feel the pain and loneliness.
Experience the betrayal and the sorrow. Taste the bitterness and the disappointment. Face what must be faced otherwise we will always be in a state of denial. And when we deny, we die.
A lot of us want to be brave and so we say hey I have moved on even if we have not. A lot of want to be strong and so we claim, I have moved on even if we have not. And that is not strength or bravery but simply cowardice and fear. To be brave means to face what must be faced and to be strong means to take whatever sorrow, sorrow brings. To taste it, feel it to the very core of our existence.
All of want to be noble that is why like to say that we must do the right thing and the right thing is to forget and move on. But nobility has nothing to do with pretension. In the "shoulds" of our lives we lose ourselves sometimes.
A good example to that is forgiveness. Everyone tells us to forgive. That is the right thing to do because it liberates us. That forgiveness is not about the one who hurt but it is about the victim. We all hear that, we all know about it and we all know that forgiving is the right thing to do.
I totally agree yet forgiveness is a not an instantaneous thing, it just does not happen, It is a process that takes time. You do not forgive in an instant, you forgive slowly, perhaps even one word at a time, one event at a time. To ask forgiveness after you have totally disregarded the person's feelings is not forgiveness. It is selfishness.
You rant and rave and after you are done, you ask for forgiveness is total disrespect. It cheapens the apology because it is insincere. That is not forgiveness, it is hypocrisy. And in the same breath if you are not ready to forgive then do not.
The thing is, if in your heart you cannot forgive, then do not. Do not force yourself because you will be the only one who will suffer. If you are hurt then let it be so. If you are bleeding then bleed. Do not deny yourself of the pain because ironically it is the pain that will heal you. If you let it.
Read a poem and bleed. Sing with a brokenhearted song for your broken heart. Rage against the injustice and cry with the broken dream. Accept your feelings, taste your pain. And a time will come when all that you experienced will bear fruit. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Time heals. And when it does, you move on.
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