Acceptance

I am dazed.

My life has been pretty difficult lately. It used to be 'just like this'. I was happy with what I have. Satisfied. Content. Miserable but I find happiness in small ways. In my own little ways.

Until life turned back at me and showed my what I could have...what I deserve to have. In a flash,I have been given that fleeting chance to see what could be...and what I can be.

And just as fleeting as it is, it was all gone.

Back to square one.

And I was sad. Completely lost.

Not because I didnt get what I wanted.

I was sad because no matter how hard I think of it, I could not find the answers to my one biggest question: "Why was I given that chance when the chance wasnt mine after all?"

And here I am, not quite sure what to do, what to think, how to act, where to stand..

I guess this is all my fault. I wouldnt be in this situation if I didnt allowed it to happen. It wouldn't be this hard if I just kept my heart to myself.

God, how I wanted to hate the person who put me in this place. My mind is screaming to let out that anger. But I know deep in my heart that the anger I am feeling is the anger I feel at myself.

No one is to blame but me.

Now I have to go back to where I was.

My 'just like this' life.