Red Bud Rising..

For the first time, I felt what it is to be outside looking in.

Felt bad. It feels like I'm part of something yet I dont really matter. As if, in an instant, I was part of the common group.

Weird. Not that I didn't want it. At times when all seemed tough, I wished I wasn't part of it. Now that I am not, I wished I was back in.

Life could really be so strange and unpredictable. No matter how we prepare for tomorrow, life has its ways of playing it in and around you.

No, don't get me wrong, I am not discouraged. True, I may be feeling bad...but allowing me to feel that bad feeling will make me stronger. This can't hurt me. I know I am not there yet and it just isn't my time. I have my own little ways to make myself matter and I know in one way or another, I am being appreciated for that. And that's okey for me.

Really, it is okey for me.

Maybe discontent comes when we feel too much and think too much. Life isn't all about me. God has His ways of showing me to take a few steps backward and see the bigger picture. Maybe it is meant to be this way...so that my heart will be given a chance to rest.

Told you we can't have it all. =)