I attended a friend's wedding today and like every girl attending a wedding, it seemed like it was such a big deal...i mean for me. I took a leave from work to prepare for the ceremony, bought a new pair of shoes, re-used a gown and took courage to paint my face with make up for the very first time (coz i didnt want to spend that much, considering i bought my self one expensive pair of shoes...and it's not even my own wedding!).
Yes i was excited...I was excited for my friend (God bless him & his brand new wife) & I was excited for myself (it'll be the first time my Pbgea friends would see my bare shoulders!). Yes, I was anxious before the wedding because I dont know how my friends would react to my new look and I was even more anxious during the wedding knowing I was one of the only two lady guests wearing a gown!
But most of all, I was scared. Scared that I might be next. Scared that I might not be next. Scared that my date with the altar would be later than I expected. Scared that no one would ever ask me and that i'll never be next. Scared that the clock is ticking fast yet my pockets arent that full yet. Scared that I might grow old gray and old and single. Scared that because most of my friends have gone way past the 'me-next' stage I might be 'pressured' to take the plunge. Scared that my turn will never come.
I look at the newly weds and then it just struck me...
Life isn't all about weddings. Love isn't about hurrying up the altar steps.
Yes, before I was so eager to get married, start a new family and have my own babies. I wanted to be married. I wanted what it would feel like being a wife, wake up each morning looking at the same man. And then I almost got married to the wrong man.
I never really understood one friend who couldnt see himself getting married. I mean, I couldnt see why one couldnt commit..to love and to hold...one partner...for the rest of one's life.
And being in the wedding today made it all clear.
Marriage isn't for me yet. Just not yet.
And I now finally understood why my friend couldn't see himself getting married just yet. Soon, when the right time comes and one is brave enough to ask when I am ready enough to share my own secure world, then maybe, just maybe, i can say im next.
Yes i was excited...I was excited for my friend (God bless him & his brand new wife) & I was excited for myself (it'll be the first time my Pbgea friends would see my bare shoulders!). Yes, I was anxious before the wedding because I dont know how my friends would react to my new look and I was even more anxious during the wedding knowing I was one of the only two lady guests wearing a gown!
But most of all, I was scared. Scared that I might be next. Scared that I might not be next. Scared that my date with the altar would be later than I expected. Scared that no one would ever ask me and that i'll never be next. Scared that the clock is ticking fast yet my pockets arent that full yet. Scared that I might grow old gray and old and single. Scared that because most of my friends have gone way past the 'me-next' stage I might be 'pressured' to take the plunge. Scared that my turn will never come.
I look at the newly weds and then it just struck me...
Life isn't all about weddings. Love isn't about hurrying up the altar steps.
Yes, before I was so eager to get married, start a new family and have my own babies. I wanted to be married. I wanted what it would feel like being a wife, wake up each morning looking at the same man. And then I almost got married to the wrong man.
I never really understood one friend who couldnt see himself getting married. I mean, I couldnt see why one couldnt commit..to love and to hold...one partner...for the rest of one's life.
And being in the wedding today made it all clear.
Marriage isn't for me yet. Just not yet.
And I now finally understood why my friend couldn't see himself getting married just yet. Soon, when the right time comes and one is brave enough to ask when I am ready enough to share my own secure world, then maybe, just maybe, i can say im next.
.jpg)
No comments:
Post a Comment